Broken

 

So, I debated to do or not to do this 5 minutes.  I am late.  It is Saturday night.  Then, I read the word.  Oh, I should answer that prompt.  So, here I sit...
I attend BSF, Bible Study Fellowship.  We are studying Genesis this year.  I have had many struggles this year in my lesson.
The first big struggle, there was the struggle over fertility issues.  Is using a fertility specialist a sin?  Is my oldest son not valued?  Abraham's first son was sent away.
The newest struggle, I realized this last week that God wants all of me.  Okay, I knew this and was living under the impression that I had given Him all of me.  Then, we studied Jacob and his struggle with God.  God wanted all of Jacob and even though Jacob struggled with God and was blessed by God in having his named changed, he still continued to sin in that he did not proceed to the Promised Land immediately but took at 10 year pause.
So, my not all of me is my emotions.  I was raised with a grandma around who didn't cry.  I had a priest tell me, after my great-grandma died, that it was wrong for me to cry.  After all, Jesus had much bigger problems and didn't cry much.
I need to turn my emotions over to God.  I have in prayer given them to Him.  But, I'm finding each day that I find some more to give Him.  I want to give it all to Him now and not realize 10 years from now that I stopped part way.