Wonder

I am a doula.  So, logic says I should spend 5 minutes writing on the wonder of birth.
However, this a.m. I met with my husband's birth mom.  No, he is not adopted.  His birth mom decided she didn't want the role of wife when my husband was 4 and do to mental unstability on her part my husband was given to his dad.
Three, almost 4 years ago she moved to the midwest.  Where I am.  Where my husband is.  Where her grandchildren are.
We don't communicate well.  I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed for 12 years.  And, then, she told me she wanted to know why I kept her at arms length.  I asked if she was sure and she said yes.  So, I let her have it.
Now, 16-months later, I find it easier to speak more harshly to her than I am comfortable with.  She does not see it as yelling or even being overly harsh.
So, a few weeks ago we met with my Pastor.  We have met with him twice now.  At the end of our last meeting she asked if we could meet to, "make a plan."  So, this a.m. we met.  At Perkins for one hour.
I am still wondering what she wants from me us. 
She wants more of our time.  But what does that look like?  She wants nothing to do with anything religious we have going on.  Well, that eliminates a lot.  She wants to go to the boys things if it is appropriate.  Well, if she was taking them, yes, but since her mental health isn't stable it is not okay for her to go unaccompanied anywhere with her grand-kids.  So, no, there aren't many things she can go with them to without it being a little awkward.

Stay

Stay awake...
That is what I am doing right now.  I am not normally up at 6 a.m., but, I teach a cooking class at 10 a.m. on Friday mornings and today we are talking potatoes.  I want the kids to see that sweet potatoes do not have to be covered in butter, marshmallows, and brown sugar.  After all, they are SWEET potatoes.  So, I got up about an hour ago to put sweet potatoes in the crockpot with a little bit of water. 
According to the recipe, they cook on high for one hour and then low for 6-8.  Yes, I realize that means they won't be done, most likely, by the time I leave for class.  But, hopefully, done enough that the kids can at least taste them and/or I can put them in the microwave for a few minutes to finish them up.  I had several kids last week tell me they don't like sweet potatoes and have no plans of trying them.  We will see if that holds true.
We are, also, making cranberry salad.  So, there are cranberries diced up in my refrigerator in a cup of sugar.  Although, a cranberry salad was the kids idea, it will be interesting to see if they try it and like it.
As for my own children, they each tried a plain cranberry and my youngest had multiple.  (Can you see my sour face?)  I puckered on his behalf, but he enjoyed each one.

Stretch

Stretch take two...
So, as I pulled up today's post, I thought, "Hum!  I've responded to that word before."  In fact, it was the very first 5 Minute Friday I ever did a few seemingly very short months ago.
However, as I looked back on my first post on stretch, I was surprised that it was as recent as August!  Our Pastor has only been gone a VERY few months.  I was telling someone the other day I he had stepped down in June, oops.
Our church is working on moving on.
The pulpit committee is starting to look for a new Pastor.  It will be interesting as we head into a new year to see how their search plays out.
The Youth Pastor, who has taken over the role of Interim Pastor is the head of the pulpit committee's son.  His parents and grandparents are/were members of our church.  So, will he step in and become the new Pastor?  If he does, there is going to be both happy and sad people.
The happy people are the people who think it is his because of his family history.
The sad people are the people who think our Pastor stepping down should have been handled differently and are disappointed at the way he was pushed out to make room for the Youth Pastor to step in.
Either way, a new Pastor coming in or the Youth Pastor stepping up, it will be a stretch for our church of right around a 100 people, mostly senior saints and a few young families and singles.
It will be a stretch for me, as I am one of the ones in the sad group and really like our Youth Pastor as a youth pastor.

Quiet

Quiet is not something that often occurs in my world with Little Men.
However, as I tuck them in at night, I want to rush through their bedtime routines because once they are tucked in, I get to have my quiet time.  I go to my room, play on the computer for a bit to make sure they aren't going to come looking for me, and, then, I kneel by my side of the bed to pray before crawl into bed with a handful of chocolates to read my BSF notes for the week or to work on my lesson for the day.
I had a less than Christian moment with my husband's birth mom last week.  So, last nights quiet time was a little on the emotional side.  So many things that I read talk about how a Christian should interact with another Christian.  It seems few things speak to how a Christian should interact with a non-Christian.
I am to be loving toward her, I think, but often that looks like not talking because if I tell her my thoughts and then that is causing conflict and not being accepting of her choices.
However, in my silence, I stuff.  I stuff the frustration of her words and actions.  How she doesn't try to see things from my perspective.  How she is VERY materialistic and doesn't have the finances to be materialistic.
So, then, at some point, all that stuffing explodes out of me.  This time, it didn't come out nasty at her, but it didn't come out right either.  She told my mom that she believes I hate her and my whole family knows it.

Roots

The first thought: roots, as in family ties.  The second is: roots, as in a head of hair in need of a new do.  But, honestly, today, roots is the ties of those sisters that God didn't give you by blood but through the course of life.
I have roots in Oregon.  I went to visit my bestie.  Who moved to Oregon with her husband and girls a little over a year ago.  It was so nice to have the someone I love to laugh with even at things that are not really appropriate to laugh about.
She gets me.  We both grew-up Catholic.  We both had moms who had in-home day-cares.  We both are the oldest and have only brothers.  We both love children and have loved working with them are whole careers.  She lost her dad when she was in college.  I lost my uncle before I was born.  Both were hit when riding a bike (one a bicycle the other a motorcycle).  All four of our parents went to Northeast High School.  Our dads did not fit into the good guy crowd.  Her mom and my dad grew-up blocks apart.
Roots are friends in my hometown.  Roots are the friend I dropped a birthday gift off to today.  The one who would go for long walks with me and we would discuss fertility issues, being new moms, and many other things.
Roots are Deana, Sarah, Marcy, Tess, Mary, Angie, and Jessi.  All women that when needed are there to listen, scold, hug, and support.
These are my sisters in Christ.  They are each loved deeply.  God might not have given me sisters biologically, but He more than made up for it in the amazing sisters I have met since I started walking with him almost 13 years ago.

Voice

Sometimes, my voice is loud.  Sometimes, it is quiet.  Sometimes it is uncertain.  It amazes me how the tone of a voice can change the context of what is being said.

Once Upon A Time...
I attended a Bible study with a good friend.  She is an outspoken, doesn't like silence kinds of woman.
I'm the quiet, contemplative, wait for it and I'll give you my thoughts one.
So, after several years of attending Bible studies together she asks me, in frustration, why I never say anything.  My response, "because I can handle silence and you can't.  So, I know if I wait two seconds I won't have to answer."  ;-)
We haven't been in Bible study together in a few years, but it seems that she is becoming quieter and more contemplative and I am becoming more outspoken.  I would love to participate in a Bible study with her just to see if we really have changed or if the rules of our young married lives still hold.

I love when children aren't listening and you can play with your voice to get them to listen.
I have been known to whisper math assignments to my 5th graders, give drill sergent orders to my sons, yell on occasion when someone is getting in harms way (ie not being safe in a parking lot).
Our voices are amazing things.  With a little inflection a comment can become a question or an exclamation.
I took sign language in college.  Our instructors were deaf.  It was interesting at the end of the term when they shared their voices with us. 


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Look

"Look at me."  I have never been one to be the center of attention.
At my bridal showers, I was thankful because my niece was almost one and did not mind being the center of attention.
But, now, as a mama of three boys, who always seem to have something going on that makes them the focus of every moment.  Makes me want to SHOUT, "Look at me!  I'm right here.  I am a person."
I feel like I fill roles without ever being noticed or appreciated or even thanked.
I try to spend 5 minutes writing this.  And, as I type, a little boy is messing with the timer and after being told to leave it alone, walks around me to the mouse and starts messing with it.  I tell him to stop more than once before I swat his little hand.
Two other boys are down that hall having some time in their room because they have taken up beating on each other and no matter how much/often I say, "STOP!" or "Don't."  They keep "accidentally" punching or running into each other.
I wish their ears would hear me.  I wish they would look and see how much their attitude affects me.
I want to be noticed.
But, as I type this, I think of my Heavenly Father who wants the same from me.
How often does He say, "STOP! and notice Me"?

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